egoselfish [ludo's character journals]

"He's going to find out soon enough, Roderick."

The hushed whispers weren't all that hard to make out in the dead of night, especially given Noah's room was only a few doors down the hall. His grandparents were discussing something, but what, he wasn't sure. In the pit of his stomach, he knew it was nothing good. He knew it was wrong to eavesdrop on them, but at the same time, it was hard not to. The boy had a long day and couldn't sleep due to how shot his nerves were. Once more, another restraining order had been placed on him. That made ten just within this year. Why couldn't they understand that he just wanted someone to love him like they loved all of the other children. The only thing that truly ever loved him was his stuffed toy bear named Elliot. However Elliot had been dropped and lost in a busy subway. They didn't have the chance to stop and grab him, as Noah's grandfather tugged him along as to not miss the ride to the downtown area.

(In truth, he was that forgotten toy. Tattered, torn, and lost in the world.)

Noah had managed to sleep at some point that night. But the next morning was the typical routine -- shower, brushing his teeth, dress, then breakfast. It was a pattern that had been clockwork to him over a span of the last sixteen years. But something threw a wrench into the gears of his normal schedule. For once, his grandparents struck up conversation at the breakfast table, something that came shocking to the hollow little boy who was so used to sitting at the opposite end of the table. As the older gentleman's words reached him, Noah couldn't help but look up curiously at his grandfather. Despite the curiosity, his expression remained ever so vacant. Could anyone blame him though? The family hardly spoke to one another, and words exchanging during a meal were unheard of. Nevertheless, he listened until his grandfather uttered a phrase that simply stopped his clockwork.

Reform school.

What was that? He'd heard of it before, but reform schools were saved for bad kids. Was... Was he a bad kid? Did he choose the wrong traits to mesh into his personality? Even with new parts added on, he still seemed to just miss his grandparents' love and approval. The fork clattered down on to his plate which tossed a couple ketchup-covered scrambled eggs onto the plastic place mat which his plate sat upon. Reform school. Dorms. Moving. Alone. The words came slowly but surely. His grandmother frowned ever so slightly as his expression turned to something of shock and sadness. Tears rolled down his cheeks as his grandmother simply feigned sympathy for the child she could never bring herself to love. He had been, at least offhandedly, the reason her precious daughter was no longer alive. She owed this boy nothing, especially not the satisfaction of love.

"We're doing what's best for you, Noah."

Bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. They were doing what finally got this miserable brat out of their lives long enough so they could escape. His fists clutched weakly at the white tablecloth as the tears came to a tempest. His body shook as emotions began to pour out. There wasn't much he could do and he knew that well. He'd be leaving behind so much. (In truth, he'd leave behind nothing. As he was nothing but poorly pieced together parts of others. A Frankenstein monster of his own psychological design.)

"I'm begging you, please don't send me away," Noah pleaded. "I love you both so much."

Unfortunately for him, his pleading was nothing to his grandparents. They finally had an opportunity to get rid of this burden and they took it with haste. By the next day, Noah and every bit of evidence of him ever living there had been gone and he was shipped off to Glendale to start anew.